She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Be still, my beating vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's no shave November. This is our time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
