you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
