Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is wine microwaveable?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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