I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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