we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
