Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
