Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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