If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
