Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
