u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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