Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
