I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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