Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
