I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
