He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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