WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
