sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
someone owes me an orgasm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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