If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
