yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
