community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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