oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tornado booty call.. dedication
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
