just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
