Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
