I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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