He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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