You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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