Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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