she woke up with a sticky ear
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
