Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
