Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
