did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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