i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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