oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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