I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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