The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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