i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
