i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize