He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
