if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
