God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
