can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
