i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
