If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
