I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
