She's JV to your varsity
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
