I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
