i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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