Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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