I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
