just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize