is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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