you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
