somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
