It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
