There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
