Whod you bang
if i can run in heels then i can drive
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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