I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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