wrigley field is MILF paradise
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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