i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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