It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
