Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
