like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
