My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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