My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
