people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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