Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
