i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
