I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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