I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize