I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
