Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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