to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
