Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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