did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
