Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
