I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize