last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
