i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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