I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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