Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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