The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
