I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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