My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
