Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
vagina is talking i cant
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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