why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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