i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
