you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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