apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
