shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
