Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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