They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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