Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
