So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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