well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
