the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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