Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
