i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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