Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
