im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
