Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
