she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
