I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize