I saw his package. It spoke to me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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