I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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