just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
