Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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